Do you ever feel like a ticking time bomb ready to explode any minute? That's how I felt a week ago when my period (CURSE OF EVE) started earlier than the usual. I felt so sensitive, and the worst part was I didn't know why. I felt so trapped, contained, and suddenly I just yelled. It was a frustrated, get me out of here, I feel caged kind of scream. Then the tears just started coming out, and before I knew it, I felt the sudden urge to get all of my things, and walk out. I have no idea what was going through my head, but there I was packing up my things with all this determination and pride. Everyone, and everything was getting on my nerves. My father was being annoying, my mother was being annoying, my sister, and even the savage boy I love. I told my mother everything I wanted to tell her, but was too respectful to say at the time. I told my sister, "fuck you too." And the savage, I don't think he even knew. I didn't bother telling him at all. Every emotion was highlighted. I felt like I was going insane. Then came a point where I thought about calling the suicide prevention hotline, but for some reason my phone wouldn't let me click the link. So I went into the bathtub, and turned on the water. My mind went blank for a while, as I was letting the water go up. I suddenly felt relaxed, and somehow numb. I was still crying, but not really feeling much. I don't know how long I stayed there, but eventually I got out. I start getting dressed, and then I started feeling this unexpected pain, and I go to the restroom, and there it was! RED!!!!!! A red stain in my underwear. I was thinking, "Woohoo! I'm not crazy!" My period had arrived one week earlier. Usually I have a ritual to prepare me for the next five days, but since this came out of nowhere, all those hormones were out of tune, and I was not ready for it.
My period is officially over now. It ended yesterday, on Fourth of July. I enjoyed the fireworks with savage boy, and his buddies. However, savage boy seemed a little out of it, and I know the psychologist in me just wants to instigate because it's in my nature to do so, but I stopped myself. You learn so many things about human behavior when you're taking psychology classes, and the hardest part is when you see those you love most act a certain way, and you know exactly what it is. You can see them, and see something, but you have to act, or bite your tongue because if you dare even ask, they'll just lie straight to your face. So I already knew something was there, didn't know what it was, but this time I just let it be.
Now to the fitness part of my life aka the highlight of my days: I am psyched to do more! My parents always freak out when they see me lifting heavy objects. Yesterday I tried on the weighted vest before going out with the savage boy. It was heavy, and it added more challenge, but you should've seen my dad's face! He kept thinking I was going to break my spinal cord any moment. I believe I've surpassed some of my parents expectations when it comes to my fitness. When I looked at my fitness bucket list, I saw them, but now that I'm reaching them, it's invigorating to not really have a clue of how strong I can actually get, just knowing that it could all increase: fitness, flexibility, speed, endurance, strength, etc., Then the opportunity has come for me to take new pictures. New pictures means more for my blog! I am just starting this journey. Right now I know I'm just a seed. It's covered with dirt, and I'm just waiting to come out so that the world can see the fruits of my passion. This is new, different to me. I don't know how far it will actually go, but I want to give it a good try. Fitness changed my life, and I know it can do the same for others. My period, my love life, my personal life, and everything else is there, but my fitness life, that's everywhere. I can be on my period, be moody about something, and then do a burpee, and instantly feel better. One gaze at the pair of dumbbells in my room, and my world lights up. Fitness will always shoot you the real deal. :-)
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