LONG LIVE CINNAMON !!!

One day I had just gotten back from the gym when I started getting super hungry, (THE FREAKY KIND), and felt like I could just devour anything. I ran out of my whey protein so I had nothing to help me recover, and control my hunger easily.  I devoured what I could. My gains went into the entire box of chocolate chip cookies I shoved down my mouth.  I was upset, and decided I would punish myself in the morning with more cardio than ever.  I drank my tea, and called it a night.  During my so called punishment in the morning, I realized I was feeling unusually good considering all the things I ate the night before, and even felt lighter. Everything else was in place except for that momentarily slip the night before.  I had no apple cider vinegar, and no whey protein, my vitamins were still the same, and everything else was just as it's always been.  So what was it? Then when I was about to go to sleep my dad knocks on my door, and leaves me a cup of tea.  That's when it clicked! The time I have been without the apple cider vinegar has been the same as the time my dad started making me this new tea every night.  He always gives me tea at night before I sleep, it had stopped for a while, but then he started again.  I sniffed it (yes wolverine style), and realized it was a different one.  Next thing you knew I was interviewing my dad with questions about the tea he's been giving me every night.  Turns out it was just cinnamon tea. Sometimes he puts honey, sometimes he doesn't.  He also gives it to my mom so it can help her with her diabetes.  I looked into it, and found various benefits that I myself have been experiencing.  This is my new go to drink now, and wanted to share with whoever bothered reading this. Cinnamon has been found to control sugar levels in the blood, help with circulation, lower cholesterol, helps with arthritis, strengthens immune system, helps with preventing cancer, reduces weight over continual use, and much more.  No wonder the chocolate chip cookies came, and went like nothing ever happened.  If you don't believe me, look it up. If you still feel skeptic, give it a try.  I have been maintaining my level of fitness much, much better despite not taking my whey protein, and apple cider vinegar.  So if you don't want to invest in high end supplements, take the time to give a cinnamon stick a try.  It's helping me out, I know it will do the same for you. :-)

Clumsy Fit Me

I fell on my butt in the gym.  I don't know how exactly, but it happened.  The important thing is that I got back up on my feet, and continued doing the exercise I was doing.  It's not the first time something clumsy like this happens.  When I first started benching 2 years ago (it was only the bar and a ten pound weight on each side) somehow it slipped, and it hit me in the head in front of everyone in the gym.  When I was attempting to do squats for the first time since high school in 2011 the bar went sideways, and some man had to come, and lead me to the smith machine because the squat rack was for "advanced" athletes.  Then when I did go to the smith machine to do squats, and decided to add a 45 pound weight on each side, some other man just took the weight off my hands, and racked it for me (umm thanks?).  When I was doing stadiums this one time (except this was without an audience) I slipped, and fell on the aluminum.  As you can see I've had my share of clumsy moments in this fitness journey.  They're all funny, hell I even laughed at myself when it happened.  I'm glad these moments happened. When that man told me to go to the smith machine I felt as though I didn't want to settle for doing something he considered was ideal for someone like me, someone not as strong.  When that man took the 45 pound weight off my hands, I decided never again.  Sure they were being helpful, but I didn't feel like being a damsel in distress waiting for her knight in shining armor when I was trying to get strong and fit at the gym.  It didn't discourage me, it motivated me.  Sure society thinks women should be feminine, soft, and be taken care of by the men, but what if one day she's stuck somewhere, and she needs to be fast, strong, and courageous? What's going to happen then? So the hell with whatever the hell they want you to be.  So I chose to be fit in every aspect of the word.  When that bar hit my face, I decided to make the bench my bitch.  That's right I said it.  And now there's no way I can get away from that beautiful peace of equipment.  I'm in love with it.  I made my arms strong enough to hold heavier weight than just 45 pound plates, and now I can rack them up in pairs of two! My legs are strong enough now to do squats on the squat rack, and even front squat, and overhead squat that shit.  My hands that were so soft and feminine have calluses from the bar, and weights.  I'm not afraid to get on the floor, and do push ups. And if I get clumsy, I'm just going to shrug it off, sweat it out, lift it off, run it off, and turn it as an opportunity to make me stronger, fitter, prouder. 

Apocalypse

So the pictures are now in my possession. A lot has changed since the first time I took pictures last year to this year's.  First of all my hair has grown.  There are no bangs covering my forehead, and my hair is almost going to reach my nipples.  Second, my weight has increased.  I've gained 20 pounds since last year.  Third, I believe it's the apocalypse of the girl I used to be.  That girl with the bangs in the red under armour is gone.  That girl was afraid.  I have been working on recreating myself.  And although her shadow still exists, I'm trying to go Eminem's way, and exorcise these demons. I am starting to find myself, and have the guts to be who I am, and become who I want to be.

Tell Me Something

I wanna learn something, something new.  Something that will lift me in my darkest moments.  Just a little something to get me by in between my sets as I push through.  I want to hear smells. I want to taste the sounds. I want to feel the words penetrate my skin, and make my insides tremble with excitement.  Tell me something that can create a certain something new.  There are days when I'm lifting the weight, and my mind gets lost.  I want you to tell me something that will bring my mind back when that happens.  I stare into the iron, and I always feel something.  Something that tells me I have found the source of the fire within me.  And when the iron and I come together, I just let my muscles burn.  I want you to tell me something new.  Something that will add more heat to the already existing fire inside me.  I want my insides to go up in flames, and just grow.  I want my passion to reach new levels.  I want to aim higher with so much precision at such momentum, and I want your something to push me way up above all that still.  There are no limits.  I want that something to be intelligently reckless.  To awaken my rebellious nature, and bring out the animal that I am.  I want you to tell me something that will make me laugh, cry, fear, and enjoy all at once.  Something that will accentuate my duality.  I want a universe of this something. Something worth knowing.  Something worth seeing, believing, hearing, tasting, smelling, feeling. No, don't hush, please don't keep it down. Tell me that something, that something new. Something that even you will feel sheer terror and joy sharing.  Tell me something.

Curse of Eve

Do you ever feel like a ticking time bomb ready to explode any minute? That's how I felt a week ago when my period (CURSE OF EVE) started earlier than the usual.  I felt so sensitive, and the worst part was I didn't know why.  I felt so trapped, contained, and suddenly I just yelled.  It was a frustrated, get me out of here, I feel caged kind of scream.  Then the tears just started coming out, and before I knew it, I felt the sudden urge to get all of my things, and walk out.  I have no idea what was going through my head, but there I was packing up my things with all this determination and pride. Everyone, and everything was getting on my nerves.  My father was being annoying, my mother was being annoying, my sister, and even the savage boy I love. I told my mother everything I wanted to tell her, but was too respectful to say at the time. I told my sister, "fuck you too." And the savage, I don't think he even knew.  I didn't bother telling him at all.  Every emotion was highlighted.  I felt like I was going insane.  Then came a point where I thought about calling the suicide prevention hotline, but for some reason my phone wouldn't let me click the link.  So I went into the bathtub, and turned on the water.  My mind went blank for a while, as I was letting the water go up.  I suddenly felt relaxed, and somehow numb. I was still crying, but not really feeling much.  I don't know how long I stayed there, but eventually I got out.  I start getting dressed, and then I started feeling this unexpected pain, and I go to the restroom, and there it was! RED!!!!!! A red stain in my underwear.  I was thinking, "Woohoo! I'm not crazy!" My period had arrived one week earlier.  Usually I have a ritual to prepare me for the next five days, but since this came out of nowhere, all those hormones were out of tune, and I was not ready for it.

My period is officially over now. It ended yesterday, on Fourth of July.  I enjoyed the fireworks with savage boy, and his buddies.  However, savage boy seemed a little out of it, and I know the psychologist in me just wants to instigate because it's in my nature to do so, but I stopped myself.  You learn so many things about human behavior when you're taking psychology classes, and the hardest part is when you see those you love most act a certain way, and you know exactly what it is.  You can see them, and see something, but you have to act, or bite your tongue because if you dare even ask, they'll just lie straight to your face.  So I already knew something was there, didn't know what it was, but this time I just let it be. 

Now to the fitness part of my life aka the highlight of my days: I am psyched to do more! My parents always freak out when they see me lifting heavy objects. Yesterday I tried on the weighted vest before going out with the savage boy.  It was heavy, and it added more challenge, but you should've seen my dad's face! He kept thinking I was going to break my spinal cord any moment.  I believe I've surpassed some of my parents expectations when it comes to my fitness.  When I looked at my fitness bucket list, I saw them, but now that I'm reaching them, it's invigorating to not really have a clue of how strong I can actually get, just knowing that it could all increase: fitness, flexibility, speed, endurance, strength, etc., Then the opportunity has come for me to take new pictures. New pictures means more for my blog! I am just starting this journey. Right now I know I'm just a seed.  It's covered with dirt, and I'm just waiting to come out so that the world can see the fruits of my passion.  This is new, different to me.  I don't know how far it will actually go, but I want to give it a good try.  Fitness changed my life, and I know it can do the same for others.  My period, my love life, my personal life, and everything else is there, but my fitness life, that's everywhere.  I can be on my period, be moody about something, and then do a burpee, and instantly feel better.  One gaze at the pair of dumbbells in my room, and my world lights up. Fitness will always shoot you the real deal. :-)

Love & Fitness

My shoulders are burning, my calves are burning, my triceps are burning, my back is burning, my quads, my hamstrings, my chest, it's all burning.  The entire body was worked out yesterday.  The gym is my playground. I'm finally doing 185 lbs on dead lifts, and 135 on bench press. When I do dips I feel right away the confidence to get them done.  My body overall feels strong.  I just love adding plates, and taking on the challenges of fitness.  My head just gets this motivation, and this thirst and hunger for more.  This guy I love has been improving on his athletic performance as well.  I see how much he's improved, it's rewarding seeing him enjoy his abilities.  He's a fitness savage, and I love it. More, and more I'm just letting myself really open up, and take the chance to know him.  Sometimes you just hang with people, but don't really get to know them.  This time, I'm going to just see directly at who he is, at his soul, and just know him, see him, and just let my feelings grow.
I've been trying to figure out what to do with my current level of fitness.  There's many paths to take, so many things to choose from, and I just wanna do it all! There's marathons, bodybuilding, crossfit, etc., and it's hard to make up my mind, when there's so many great activities out there!  My favorite people right now are Arnie, Bruce Lee, Ali, Andreia Brazier, Dana Linn Bailey, Zuzana Light, and many more.  They all are fit people, but take on it in different ways.  I can't wait to discover what way I will let my fitness take me.

THE POWER OF THE CHANCLA!

Today is the first day

Yesterday the gym was packed, but being a Monday it was to be expected.  Monday is usually always chest day, and no bench is available without a fight. I walked in, and saw I had to do a different workout than I had planned.  I had no gym partner, and quite frankly I didn't feel like asking anyone for a spot. So I did arms, triceps, biceps, and some lower body exercises.  My body was craving a challenge, something to let off some steam from what has been bothering me these past few days. That something would be the good old fashioned matters of the heart.  I've been wondering about this guy for the past few days. Wondering if I should give up my armor, and become all vulnerable, and let him in. There are things that bother me, but the more I dive in, the more I realize maybe it's also just me.  I have transformed internally. I question the intentions of those around me.  I wish I could say, I really wish I could just scream it, but these are the kinds of things you just don't tell anyone, not even God.  You just look up at the sky, and hope he meets your gaze when you do, because you know he knows, and words can't describe it.  When my ex boyfriend and I finally broke it off for good, I became fully invested in my fitness.  I became someone new.  I felt so complete when my hands took a grip of the bar, and I'd feel my body lift this heavy weight.  No one could touch my heart the way iron would.  I was working out, and my heart, my mind, my body, everything was just so connected.  Then one day I meet this guy.  He was himself going through matters of the heart with a girl, and so I took no notice of it, although I felt drawn to him.  I never go for a guy who is taken. Rule I always apply. I respect the girl he's with even if I don't know her.  Then a few days after meeting this guy, I find out they've broken up.  Still though, I saw him only as a friend since I also believe his heart was taken, and I didn't feel like liking someone who's heart is simply not ready.  So I let it be. I continued working out, my life was not interrupted, nor bothered.  He was just another guy I found attractive.  Then something happened.  He asked me to workout with him, and who can say no to that? So I started working out with him, accepting the offers to train together.  Before I knew it, it became a habit for me to just readjust my workout routines, and even found myself interested in this guy's fitness as well.  Still though, I knew better to keep my distance; he had just gotten out of a relationship.  Then the strangest thing happened, one night after one of our workouts, we wrestled, I was on the ground, and he was on top of me.  My heart was pounding.  I felt the blood rush through my veins.  I wanted nothing more than to kiss this guy, but before my mind could make up its mind, he beat me to it.  In my head I was thinking, "He shouldn't have done that." Yet I was still so glad he did.  What's that have to do with today being the first day? Today is the first day I will let myself just love this guy, and take that risk.  It's been emotionally exhausting trying to figure out if I should, or not.  I was at the gym, lifting weights, and it didn't feel like my heart was fully there.  It felt as if though one half was here, and the other somewhere else.  That had never happened to me before.  I don't know what's gonna happen.  I've been thinking of all the possibilities, but what the hell? The hell with that. Anything, and I mean ANYTHING can happen.  And my fitness? That's something that I will stick by no matter what. I will surrender my heart to this person, but I will enjoy it while doing push ups, burpees, squats, bench presses.... And I will continue living the fitness lifestyle.